#12 i have to...but actually i don't want..

today i found some difficulty to think
why i am like this
why i'm so pathetic
why i'm so desperate

last night
after having some time alone
i got a serious talk with myself

me : lets forget her
him : why?u like her rite?
me : but i cant,we r different
him : what do u meant by that?
me : it was clear that we r different rite
him : yeah,i think so.So u just wanna giv up?
me : thats the best choice among choices
him : then how about ur life?
me : why?does it affect my life?
him : u can cheat everyone,but not urself >_<"
me : hurm..
him : she give u desired to move up confidently rite..if not ur PCS,study..all be ruined
me : yeah tq to her.im such an idiot.But she doesnt like me
him : like hell u care about that
me : of coz i care a lot.it contrast from what i feel about her
him : how do u know,is it u ask her?

then someone from mine also pop out...
he : hey,just forget about her..there are too many gurl outside
me : yeah rite,but i do like her a lot,if i can hate her....
him : why u need to hate her.she doesnt do anything wrong
me : no i meant to forget her,she needs to hate me..
he : so u did la smthing unforgivable thing to her
me : like hell i will do it
him : ok2,lets decide like this,u act like usual
me : how??
he : no,its not right.u need to choose : like her or love her..
me : hah..whats the differences?
he : like meant u just love her inside urself..love u know what it means rite...
me : so i need to decide?
he : yeah,but REMEMBER,dont push urself too hard
him : maybe rite,u need to clear ur mind first
me : oic..but how :'(
him/he : why is it?
me : u know,i do like her but each time i approach her,i always have the feeling im getting far from her.this feeling become stronger n stronger until it reach today.i dont know is she hates me,or find me disturbances..but it comes differently.i got shocked.am i do wrong?am i that disturbed guys?i feel upset to myself.why i act like i push her a lot.if i like her,why i bother to disturb her.i lost my confident today.i lost a lot of myself today.
he : come on kamil,dont give me u suck fake smile..its annoying
him : cheer up kamil,she not the one
me : u r inside me guys,u dont know what im getting on..
him : but we still one dear..ur feeling,we feel too
he : just confess..if she dont like u,so move on..
me : but im afraid..
him : haha,so that u dont like her..u love her rite?
me : yes i do >_<"
he : so what the problem?
me : its just one sided love...
him : haha,why u always got one sided love,there a lot of gurls like u..why u always want someone u like?
me : u know life is short.why i cant choose the one i luv?
he : yes u can.but if it becomes like this..is it good then?
me : so what i need to do guys?:'(
him : cheer up,u got test tomorow rite.study first n then decide.ok?
me : how can i stdy if everytime i always remember her
he : this getting no where my dear...slap urself right now..
then i slap myself lightly....
him : like this,if u want to forget her,BOYCOTT all ur app that related to her
me : u meant...all?
him : yes all...can u do it?
me : i tried
he : ok then,from rite here on,i agreed with that ideas...

so we decide to boycott my app that make me remember her
which are:

the most one need to close

then followed by this

this is not related,but it needs to

a lot of spammer gurls..so close too

i dont want to close this,but it related
me : ok,i already restart my lappy,and this app..i had close them all :'(
him : good thing to hear,so like this..if u can close this whole thing in one day all along,without thinking about her(do something else like play dota,pes,eat,play around),then u can forget her.
me : r u sure?
him : why not.im part or urs.
he : no,no...lets be like this...if u cant forget her after doing this wasted time thing,i want u to be a man,confess to her..ada bran?
me : of coz i dont want to..lets just leave it like this,yea..
him : ok lets see what happened tomorrow

and then i heard from my lappy this song~~
Cinta Dalam Hati-Ungu

omg...is it im like this..
so pathetic i am
but i cant afford..im just useless :(

i cant study for my test!!!!!!!!!!!!
help me..

him : just go to sleep,n pray to Allah,give u new life tomorow

then i go to sleep without even study

and when i wake up
i felt so sad
me : Oh Allah,apakah dugaan engkau berikan padaku ini.apekah dosa hambamu.kenapa engkau mendatangkan dia dalam mimpiku.i want to forget her.we r different,so different.why i got this feeling to her.we r even dont know each other.give me some peace Allah.what i need to do?

him : so u cant forget her rite?
he : thats meant u really2 luv her
him : yeah rite,n Allah too give u guidance in ur dream.think positive kamil..
me : i want too,but....
he : no but,but...im just fed up with u.r u guy or girl..be brave la..hish!!!
him : yea,be brave my dear one.
me : tq guys,u help me a lot.Alhamdulillah Ya Allah,if this ur answers,i want to have that feeling to her.although its only cinta dalam hati.

so rite now,i want to study.focus on my test.
to her :
gd luck for PCS today,present confidently,i trust u gal...u r simply the best speaker i think :)
haha,although she doesnt know this wish to her,i hope it can be reach by heart :)
and forget,makan ubat,be healthy,minum air masak byk2
*haha once again im become pathetic*
so that,my app is set up to be close until mid sem break..anything,my housemate all available

lirik lagu cinta dalam hati*nice song for me :(*
mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
mengagumi tanpa di cintai
tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dalam hidupmu, dalam hidupmu

telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan ijinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

enjoy it and gd luck ChemeJan07 for ur CPDC test today :)

:: membebel :: melatah :: mengadaptasikan ::


jom2.. sini..aku main piano kat belakang, ko nyanyi lagu syahdu ko tue.. kalau ko xnak,sini suruh nipi nyanyi, aku main guitar,ko bdrama je sorang2 kat depan.. cool?


ko reti men piano ke lukman
admire la aku kat ko
aku nak men piano gak >_<"
cool gile!!!hak2


dah2..semlm aku baca separuh..harini aku baca separuh lg entry panjang lebar ko nie.. desperate giler..kalau bab kawin,dah jatuh HUKUM WAJIB ..hehe..

ko pi layan lagu Patah hati by saujana.. ada gak ter relate ngan ko..huhuu


cinta dalam hati lagu dah lame....
layan la lagu Tilu ke....>_<"


to lukman :
jgn la kate aku desperate
ckp la aku percinta wanita


to my cousin :
huhu lama pun
efficient la dgn situasi ni
btw see u at kuantan ye
ko blk x?


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