#12 i have to...but actually i don't want..

today i found some difficulty to think

why i am like this

why i'm so pathetic

why i'm so desperate

why?

last night

after having some time alone

i got a serious talk with myself

me : lets forget her

him : why?u like her rite?

me : but i cant,we r different

him : what do u meant by that?

me : it was clear that we r different rite

him : yeah,i think so.So u just wanna giv up?

me : thats the best choice among choices

him : then how about ur life?

me : why?does it affect my life?

him : u can cheat everyone,but not urself >_<"

me : hurm..

him : she give u desired to move up confidently rite..if not ur PCS,study..all be ruined

me : yeah tq to her.im such an idiot.But she doesnt like me

him : like hell u care about that

me : of coz i care a lot.it contrast from what i feel about her

him : how do u know,is it u ask her?

then someone from mine also pop out...

he : hey,just forget about her..there are too many gurl outside

me : yeah rite,but i do like her a lot,if i can hate her....

him : why u need to hate her.she doesnt do anything wrong

me : no i meant to forget her,she needs to hate me..

he : so u did la smthing unforgivable thing to her

me : like hell i will do it

him : ok2,lets decide like this,u act like usual

me : how??

he : no,its not right.u need to choose : like her or love her..

me : hah..whats the differences?

he : like meant u just love her inside urself..love u know what it means rite...

me : so i need to decide?

he : yeah,but REMEMBER,dont push urself too hard

him : maybe rite,u need to clear ur mind first

me : oic..but how :'(

him/he : why is it?

me : u know,i do like her but each time i approach her,i always have the feeling im getting far from her.this feeling become stronger n stronger until it reach today.i dont know is she hates me,or find me disturbances..but it comes differently.i got shocked.am i do wrong?am i that disturbed guys?i feel upset to myself.why i act like i push her a lot.if i like her,why i bother to disturb her.i lost my confident today.i lost a lot of myself today.

he : come on kamil,dont give me u suck fake smile..its annoying

him : cheer up kamil,she not the one

me : u r inside me guys,u dont know what im getting on..

him : but we still one dear..ur feeling,we feel too

he : just confess..if she dont like u,so move on..

me : but im afraid..

him : haha,so that u dont like her..u love her rite?

me : yes i do >_<"

he : so what the problem?

me : its just one sided love...

him : haha,why u always got one sided love,there a lot of gurls like u..why u always want someone u like?

me : u know life is short.why i cant choose the one i luv?

he : yes u can.but if it becomes like this..is it good then?

me : so what i need to do guys?:'(

him : cheer up,u got test tomorow rite.study first n then decide.ok?

me : how can i stdy if everytime i always remember her

he : this getting no where my dear...slap urself right now..

then i slap myself lightly....

him : like this,if u want to forget her,BOYCOTT all ur app that related to her

me : u meant...all?

him : yes all...can u do it?

me : i tried

he : ok then,from rite here on,i agreed with that ideas...

so we decide to boycott my app that make me remember her

which are:

the most one need to close

then followed by this

this is not related,but it needs to

a lot of spammer gurls..so close too

i dont want to close this,but it related

me : ok,i already restart my lappy,and this app..i had close them all :'(

him : good thing to hear,so like this..if u can close this whole thing in one day all along,without thinking about her(do something else like play dota,pes,eat,play around),then u can forget her.

me : r u sure?

him : why not.im part or urs.

he : no,no...lets be like this...if u cant forget her after doing this wasted time thing,i want u to be a man,confess to her..ada bran?

me : of coz i dont want to..lets just leave it like this,yea..

him : ok lets see what happened tomorrow

and then i heard from my lappy this song~~

Cinta Dalam Hati-Ungu

omg...is it im like this..

so pathetic i am

but i cant afford..im just useless :(

i cant study for my test!!!!!!!!!!!!

help me..

him : just go to sleep,n pray to Allah,give u new life tomorow

then i go to sleep without even study

and when i wake up

i felt so sad

me : Oh Allah,apakah dugaan engkau berikan padaku ini.apekah dosa hambamu.kenapa engkau mendatangkan dia dalam mimpiku.i want to forget her.we r different,so different.why i got this feeling to her.we r even dont know each other.give me some peace Allah.what i need to do?

him : so u cant forget her rite?

he : thats meant u really2 luv her

him : yeah rite,n Allah too give u guidance in ur dream.think positive kamil..

me : i want too,but....

he : no but,but...im just fed up with u.r u guy or girl..be brave la..hish!!!

him : yea,be brave my dear one.

me : tq guys,u help me a lot.Alhamdulillah Ya Allah,if this ur answers,i want to have that feeling to her.although its only cinta dalam hati.

so rite now,i want to study.focus on my test.

to her :

gd luck for PCS today,present confidently,i trust u gal...u r simply the best speaker i think :)

haha,although she doesnt know this wish to her,i hope it can be reach by heart :)

and forget,makan ubat,be healthy,minum air masak byk2

*haha once again im become pathetic*

so that,my app is set up to be close until mid sem break..anything,my housemate all available

lirik lagu cinta dalam hati*nice song for me :(*

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dalam hidupmu, dalam hidupmu

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menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

reff:
ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan ijinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

enjoy it and gd luck ChemeJan07 for ur CPDC test today :)

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